A Day of Reflection

As I sit this morning enjoying the sunrise while savoring my peanut butter-based breakfast, a smile worth a thousand words is etched across my face. 

Two years ago today, this was “me”. I’m still “me” in some ways, yet very different in others. Most of my body parts are with me, minus a cervix, uterus and two ovaries. It’s my head that no longer holds the same thoughts and emotions. Yet, one thing that has remained constant in my life – peanut butter. 

Yes, I post, talk, eat, sleep and dream (well…maybe not quite that) about PB quite a bit. From the moment I opted to try a high-protein diet for 10 days at age 15, PB became a staple – every morning like clock work and often a scoop in the evenings before bed. It carried me through 26 years of an ED battle – it was (and still is) my go-to – the only thing keeping me alive, purging every ounce of food otherwise. 

So, it’s no surprise that on the day, THAT DAY, two years ago when a surgery purged Cancer from me, that PB was there to once again carry me through recovery. And it followed along with chemo and radiation providing a source of comfort through an often tumultuous time. 

You think I’m crazy, right? That’s Ok! We all have our crutches and mine just happens to be PB. But let’s get back to my head for a moment…

Pre-surgery I was far enough away from my ED that I had ceased treasuring life as it should be. Post-surgery I cannot get enough of all that life offers.

Pre-surgery I took for granted the precious lives of Gia and David. Post-surgery I want to spend as much time with them as possible!

Pre-surgery wearing a bikini with scars across my belly would have been frightening. Post-surgery, I own those scars and show them off proudly.

Pre-surgery there were people in my life that truly should never have been with child-like, judgemental behaviors that I chose to ignore. Post-surgery eliminating that negativity has equalled freedom.

Pre-surgery I thought I was helping women become empowered. Post-surgery, now I truly am. 

Pre-surgery I still questioned where God was in my life. Post-surgery he walks right beside me. 

Pre-surgery I ate peanut butter (Jif was my favorite). Post-surgery, I still do…just a bit different (organic ground).

Yes, I live a a nutty life – with no regrets! Life is just too darn short to not enjoy the things you love. Find what carries you through and hold on it. 

So grab that PB jar. And for all those that celebrated with me two years ago and to those I have come to know within that time, together let’s enjoy a scoop today. Celebrate with me as we celebrate life! 

#peanutbutterforbeth

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