Losing my hair a few weeks after starting chemo last year did not faze me in the least. Upon hearing stories of women whose pre-chemo hair was replaced by a head of luxurious curls when their chemo ended, I was anxious to see what my post-chemo hair would bring. Truth – I never did really like my hair; it was too thin, too fine, and too mousey brown. Who wouldn’t sacrifice that hair for a big mane of sexy curls!
With each passing day post treatment, I examined my head under a bright light eagerly anticipating these “chemo” curls. Slowly they began to appear, growing wildly with no purpose. And on Monday afternoon, I decided to bring a sense of order to these curls by booking a haircut. But this would be more than “just a cut” as my life seemed to mirror my hair.
When I first learned that chemotherapy would be part of my treatment, like most I was fearful not of the drug but of the loss of hair. After the infamous shave, or “screw you chemo” cut, embracing my baldness was a symbol of strength, inner beauty and hope – not only for myself but many others along the journey with me. Neither chemo nor cancer would get the best of me. And my hair, or lack thereof, represented the control I had over the battle.
As the months passed, “re-growth” took place and the Hair Science System made it possible to preserve what was sprouting wildly off my head – a fortune telling of what was to come.
Remission – hooray!
Survivorship – ugh!
Life post treatment seemed just as out of control as my hair – confusion, chaos, no more routines. Treatment was over – I should be celebrating, right? Yet my mind was traveling at the speed of light in 10 directions.
“Stop!” That was the message I sent myself when booking the hair appointment. Enough was enough. I needed order, a sense of normalcy, a taming of the chaos. What I really needed was “me”.
Embracing my haircut is the new symbol for strength and hope along with a decision to begin living once again. Out with the cancers of life – not just the diseases, but the people, the negativity, the things that don’t bring happiness to me and those I care about. With faith I will immobilize fear and let my hair grow with a calm intensity.