I have to give credit where credit is due. He was right – and more often than not. I should have listened but hope was guiding my thoughts – hope that my path would be different. But David knew better. Maybe this was his intuition, his way of contributing support to the journey. And as the week began – told by many it would happen – it was finally time.
My loss is truly my gain. Combing my fingers through my tangled hair this morning, clumps clung to my fingers not wanting to let go. I was shedding, but no longer was this about hair. It was about transformation. The old “me” was being discarded – every inch of my body physically changing. Feared initially until realizing that a new “me” was taking shape. I needed to welcome the new “me” with open arms. But how?
David knew as he’d been telling me for weeks, “Cut your hair!” Huh? Of course I avoided the conversation as most women would do when their husbands tell them something like that. We’ve had this discussion – I was waiting until Gia went off to camp and he knew that. But David recognized there would be a mental struggle once the clumps began to fall…and he was right. Of course David always appreciated my once short hair as he fell in love with me that way.
Maybe it was karma or the stars aligning in the universe when I received a text message from Falon with an open appointment at 2:15 PM. For a moment I hesitated thinking what if I were the exception and not the rule. But my heart knew better and my voice of reason – David – did as well. His encouragement coupled with nudges from Jeanne and Calena provided the strength to say “yes” to the appointment. It was more than just a nod for a scheduled time – it was a turning point.
By 4:00 PM today, a new “Beth” emerged. Freedom sang through my heart as a burden so dense was finally lifted. The moment hair fell to the floor, my anxiety did as well. Everything about me felt invigorated; burdens released, chains unlocked. No longer would I fret about the loss. Who would when someone fresh and eager was emerging. Cancer’s power diminished as mine was gaining!
Ten years ago I owned my pixie hair – cutting it so short for a family trip to Italy in order to squeeze a jar of peanut butter (my love) in the suitcase instead of a blow dryer.
Would I do the same today? Well…I kinda, sorta, maybe just did!